Darling you simply lack discipline
Day 2: Am I just fucking lazy?
My Dad used to call me lazy a lot when I was growing up. It was mainly because my room was always a mess and I always had a stash of coffee cups scattered across my desk. I’d often hear him in the kitchen-
“Where are all the mugs?!”
“I don’t know!” my Mum would reply
My Dad would respond with a grunt and before I knew it his heavy footsteps were marching down the hallway to my room where I knew I was about to get into serious trouble.
“Why are all the mugs in here?” he would sternly ask
“You’re so lazy” he would continue as he surveyed the depths of my teenage lair with his terrifying stare.
I hated being called lazy because really I wasn’t. Ok, so taking mugs out to the kitchen wasn’t my forte, but I studied and worked at the family restaurant so as far as I was concerned I was NOT lazy.
“I’m not lazy” I would reply with a sulk, “just take one”.
“Clean this room up!” my Dad would shout.
He would then generally go back into the kitchen, ream my Mum for raising a lazy daughter and make his coffee.
This situation always played out the same way. I would hoard the cups, get yelled at and then do it all again. Why would I do it in the first place, knowing full well I would get in trouble? Lack of self-discipline.
Discipline has become a common theme for me this year. It first popped up just before New Years when my two best friends and I were playing with some intention cards. When I drew out my selection one of the cards simply said “discipline”. I made it my mantra for a few weeks, I even stuck in on the fridge! But, like many New Year’s resolutions, it was forgotten about and I fell back into bad habits.
My lack of self-discipline is easily one of the most annoying traits of my personality. I manage to hold pattern for a while but then I always fall off the rails and rarely finish anything I start. Very, very rarely.
There are a few elements of my life where I am able to maintain around an 80-90% rate of discipline.
- Wearing makeup. Because going out in public is challenging enough
- Fitness/healthy eating. I have managed to keep this pretty consistent over the past 10 years HOWEVER, I have never, NEVER met my fitness goals. #stillwaitingforabs
I often admire those who are able to truly dedicate themselves to a craft or task like sports people and Olympic athletes. I often think to myself-
“How many hours a day do you train?”
“How the fuck do you wake up at 4:00am to swim then go to school/work then go and do it again?”
This pledge to write every day is already challenging my discipline. Tonight all I wanted to do was faff around on Youtube and Tumblr. No Tina! No! I am exercising my will power and adhering to my promise.
Am I alone in this?
Who else out there struggles with maintaining discipline? Do you have any tips to avoid self-sabotage?
Please, someone, make me feel a bit better about my general failure in life.
Lazy mug hoarder
Master of none
Wishful cake eater